Ghosts

Today I spoke to a person, who I wouldn't have spoken to until the day I die, if I didn't know how to be a good christian. T asked that I didn't mention his whole name. In previous blogs, I wrote about Tommy Chicago. I'm staring at my phone right now, almost in utter shock that I found the nerve to talk to him. It was like talking to a ghost. Like talking to my past that had been so far back I barely remember it. I thought I would be bitter. But I drew strength from god, and had the conversation I needed to have with him. I told him how I felt, he told me I was right.... It was foreign to me. He always said I was wrong, even when I knew I was right. He recently went through what he put me through. And I felt bad for him. I felt bad because I know what crying myself to sleep on a bathroom floor feels like. I know what it is like to lose someone to the world of drugs. I know what it is like to give your heart away to someone who refuses to take care of it. I'm not saying we are the same, by all means we are completely different. But this is a human being that I once cared the world about, and I felt bad. I didn't feel bad, I felt terrible. If you read this, know that everything happens for a reason, even if we think things are a coincidence, chances are they are not. People do bad things. That is no reason to not have a desire to change for the better. I hope you prove me wrong, Tommy Chicago. I'm not choosing sides, I'm just choosing what is right. Getting your life in order is a good start. I'm actually somewhat happy I got to talk to him. And, I hope to hear about the progress he may be making.

Butterfiles

The moment your lips touched mine, I was impressioned by a different feeling than ever before... I wasn't thinking, where is this going to lead, I was feeling that I wanted this to be forever. I can see me with you on our couch, laughing, drinking wine, talking about our days. I can see us wrestling on our bed, as you pin me down, slowly rocking me to sleep after being embraced by you. I can imagine going on trips with you to all of our favorite places we only dreamed about, and saw in magazines. I can see me looking into those beautiful blue eyes forever.... Forever. Who would have thought I would think of forever? This is the most absolute, newest feeling I've ever felt. For the longest time, if I've seen someone, they are just THERE. They irritate me. You captivate me. They try to control me. You see me for who I am, and don't get upset when i'm not at your becking call, because you are a busy man full of wonderful ambitions. You are perfect. They only see imperfections. I hope this goes somewhere. I feel light. The good kind of light, as if you were somehow reborn. How could someone be so perfect, and truly everything you need, and everything you want? I feel shy by you, and I still get butterflies with every letter that I type into this post. You are amazing and wonderful and everything I could hope for. I had a great night prince charming. And you are the one in charge of that. I feel like a teenager again. Thank you for giving me butterflies.