Space

Hey all, today has been incredibly great! I got my first hour of cardio in, cleaned house, got business taken care of, homework for the day done, and am about to start the next hour of my workout. I decided to post another blog that came to my mind, because it's so important to me. Space. I've been seeing an incredible person. He's with me on my fitness goals and helps me achieve them, he understands that I am busy being a mom, full time worker, and a full time student who started their own business not to long ago. He gets it. Finally someone who gets it! I was nervous today, because he asked me to go sprint with him and take me and my little man hiking, and then a nice dinner. I wasn't nervous to go hang out, I was nervous to tell him that today I just couldn't. I mustered up some courage, and told him I have a lot going on today. His response was incredible. He said that was perfectly fine, that he misses me and he understands. Among-st other things ha. This was huge for me! He didn't make me feel guilty for having a life. He didn't expect a yes. He was extremely sweet about my no, and that meant everything to me today. I love sharing my feelings here, and I felt the sweet satisfaction of telling me his response meant the world to me. *butterflies* I feel like today is one of the best days ever. And I thought i'd share.

Fulfillment

Hey all, today I thought was going to be an incredibly crummy day. I went home from work sicker than a dog, and my little guy had so much energy I didn't think I would know what to do with. I missed gym day today because I just didn't have the strength (or the stomach) to do anything. Frustrating. But today, Mr. wonderful made it all better. I know he won't read this and it's okay, but I just want to give a silent thank you for being so sweet to me when I need it. And I surely needed it today. I didn't know someone could make me feel so beautiful while being so yucky looking.  And to top it off, bought me the kicks i've been wanting for a million years? Ugh. I think I may be in heaven.

I just feel fulfilled. And full from my chai. Christmas in a cup no doubt. Over and out

Damn she Fine! Damn she Fine!

Hey all! Damn am I feeling good or what? It's funny when you take out the trash, that part of your house doesn't leave an unsettling smell there anymore. Same goes for life. I don't think i've felt this good in a long time. I'm killing it at the gym. Getting gains, and my current weight is at 149? Down ten pounds baby, and I look freakin fine! Ever have those moments where you stare at the mirror and say "wow, that is me?" Had that moment today.

I started talking to someone new. He's super gorgeous, has his life together and has ambitions. Talk about an upgrade. I don't think i've ever laughed as hard or as genuine as I do with him. I can't wait til the weekend to finally meet up! Ugh i'm so excited! For now I just have to sit here like a girl finally going out on a first date. How lame. But I don't care! I'm excited ha  

I think all in all, I'm finally starting to feel unstoppable again. I wasted a few good months of my life but i'm back on track. And I can't wait to see where life takes me!

Ghosts

Today I spoke to a person, who I wouldn't have spoken to until the day I die, if I didn't know how to be a good christian. T asked that I didn't mention his whole name. In previous blogs, I wrote about Tommy Chicago. I'm staring at my phone right now, almost in utter shock that I found the nerve to talk to him. It was like talking to a ghost. Like talking to my past that had been so far back I barely remember it. I thought I would be bitter. But I drew strength from god, and had the conversation I needed to have with him. I told him how I felt, he told me I was right.... It was foreign to me. He always said I was wrong, even when I knew I was right. He recently went through what he put me through. And I felt bad for him. I felt bad because I know what crying myself to sleep on a bathroom floor feels like. I know what it is like to lose someone to the world of drugs. I know what it is like to give your heart away to someone who refuses to take care of it. I'm not saying we are the same, by all means we are completely different. But this is a human being that I once cared the world about, and I felt bad. I didn't feel bad, I felt terrible. If you read this, know that everything happens for a reason, even if we think things are a coincidence, chances are they are not. People do bad things. That is no reason to not have a desire to change for the better. I hope you prove me wrong, Tommy Chicago. I'm not choosing sides, I'm just choosing what is right. Getting your life in order is a good start. I'm actually somewhat happy I got to talk to him. And, I hope to hear about the progress he may be making.

Butterfiles

The moment your lips touched mine, I was impressioned by a different feeling than ever before... I wasn't thinking, where is this going to lead, I was feeling that I wanted this to be forever. I can see me with you on our couch, laughing, drinking wine, talking about our days. I can see us wrestling on our bed, as you pin me down, slowly rocking me to sleep after being embraced by you. I can imagine going on trips with you to all of our favorite places we only dreamed about, and saw in magazines. I can see me looking into those beautiful blue eyes forever.... Forever. Who would have thought I would think of forever? This is the most absolute, newest feeling I've ever felt. For the longest time, if I've seen someone, they are just THERE. They irritate me. You captivate me. They try to control me. You see me for who I am, and don't get upset when i'm not at your becking call, because you are a busy man full of wonderful ambitions. You are perfect. They only see imperfections. I hope this goes somewhere. I feel light. The good kind of light, as if you were somehow reborn. How could someone be so perfect, and truly everything you need, and everything you want? I feel shy by you, and I still get butterflies with every letter that I type into this post. You are amazing and wonderful and everything I could hope for. I had a great night prince charming. And you are the one in charge of that. I feel like a teenager again. Thank you for giving me butterflies.

Special

You know that feeling you get, when everything is going right? The what if something happens and ruins it all? I had that a few days ago. It hit me like a giant brick. In the moment I was scared, and sick about my future. For one small moment, I died inside. But then I realized, everything it's going great. And I formulated a way to keep it that way. Here are my steps:
1. Continue to get enough sleep. I can't describe how much a body needs it. I wasted so much time the last few months not getting any sleep, and in a way it made me depressed. I feel more energy now, and the term"beauty sleep" has done me good. My weight it's falling off faster, my mind is refreshed,I don't feel tired down and I swear my skin looks better.
2. Don't let people tell you who to be. I suffered enough with this one. I am me. If you don't like it, leave. I don't need to be stuck to my phone or my Facebook. I'll continue to be off the record. It preserves my me ness so to speak.
3. Continue to love god. This is the greatest love I have known, and it makes me stronger every day.
4. Continue dating. I've met so many great guys recently. Why stick with one when I can see what many are about. It's also great for networking, and my self confidence is through the roof! Thanks guys!
4. Continue exercising and eating right. If I want to snag Mr r right I gotta look great and feel great about myself. I have to preserve myself.
I will probably edit this periodically but I don't have time right now. I'm getting ready to go on a date to a hip hop class! How exciting! I haven't done that since I got out of high school.
to all our leisure's in life, don't take them for granted. Good has special things in store for us. Don't waste it.

random nothingness

today I feel like the most beautiful person in the world. I've been feeling refreshed lately, getting gym time regularly, and don't feel tired down. I have the world at my feet, fresh air to breathe and I'm loving dry minute of it. I think the world can see it too. I've never received so many compliments before in my life. I must be doing something right. Thank you god for a great life! And feeling the love people have showered on me lately. Let it keep coming. Thank god for Myke. For making a bad day turn into a blessing :)