So wow!

I keep having dreams of my pregnancy. Its delightful in so many ways.
I can see myself  being really prego, and kind of enjoying it.... :) hmmm I wonder what it all means. I love that I'm having these dreams. I also have a dream that I'm having a darling little girl, and to be quite honest, I'll love if I do. I'll love if I have a baby boy as well.
Lately I've had alot of decisions to make, and none of them have been very easy for me. I had to go away from Tommy going on..... 4 days now? And I'm dying inside. My family wants me to be with them when I want to be independent with the love of my life. And so I had to think long and hard. Yes 4 days of thinking is very strenuous for me.... and completely out of my norm. I'm brash on decision making, I like to think quickly and decide fast because that has been how every job I've had entails and all throughout my life people want me to think fast and on my toes. So here Is what I conclude:
1. I am going back up north with Tommy for the following reasons;
a. I'm in love. And our being together makes me strong. I should never had run away from him. I love him too much.
b. I may not know that much about life, but as long as I'm doing the things i'm supposed too, my father in heaven finds a way to make miracles happen for me.
c. I want to live my life. I take suggestions, but I don't run on a 2/3 vote. I get to make the decisions in my life and weather they are good or bad, I can't keep having people "save me" from making the wrong ones. I need to find things out on my own.
d. Sanpete is way to small for this woman's big ideas. Nuff said.
e. I know I can find a way to make this work. It will be hard, nights may be long days may be even longer, but I will bend over backwards to make my situation work for my baby, Tommy and I. No acceptions. No excuses.
f. How can I live my life with a family who thinks I'm unthankful, and frankly it's not that I'm not, because I count my blessing all of the time. It's that I don't know how to show appreciation in this unit. (family) If they want me to be with them more, I will. But I have to eel like I'm wanted to be able to go somewhere. Or I feel like all eyes are on me in a negative way. And I don't like it.

So what you can take from this entry, to all those living a leisure life, realize what you have. And realize what others don't. Even if it is knowledge, share something with someone. If they don't take it it's not your fault. Maybe they want to figure it out a different way.

Deuces

To those of you who don't know what I mean about deuces, it means peacing out or giving up and walking away.
My life at the moment has alot of Deuces I am going to make a toast to. (with sparkling cyder cuz my baby is not an alcoholic)

Deuces  to the douchebags
Deuces to the liars.
Deuces to failed relationships.
Deuces to Sanpete county.
Deuces to shitty living.
Deuces to ignorance.
Deuces to non believers.
Deuces to cell phones that have grey zones that don't work.
Deuces to this hair cut.
Deuces to being ill.
Deuces to immitation candy.
Deuces to being young, and almost a parent.
Deuces to the memories. That I would rather just forget. Like they all seem to do.
Deuces to falling in love.
Deuces to being in love.
Deuces to letting more people in. When i'd rather be alone.
Toast to being alone, and finding things on my own.
Toast to the silence. It helps me keep my head clear.
Toast to recieving my dream. Or being a little closer to it.
Toast to starting a book.
On teen pregnancy.
Deuces for being a single pregnant woman.
Toast to being a single mom , cuz I'll prove them all wrong.
All that bullshit is for the birds.
I'm on some new shit chuckin my deuces up.
I'm moving on to something better.
No more tryna make it work.

you make me wanna say bye bye

Series of Unfortunate Events

So as of late, I've decided I am 1. A very lucky individual; and 2. Very unlucky at the same time.
Within a matter of weeks, I have managed to A. Have an entire city of people hate me and want me dead due to them being falsely informed by a retarded girl. B. become horribly sick within days so bad I needed to be hospitalized. And C. Make my car light on fire and have it completely totaled.
Thats the unlucky part.
The lucky things in my life are better than anything that could ever go wrong with me, or my possessions. I have a family who loves me no matter what my situation is. ANd that is worth more than anything this world has to offer. I survived yet another car accident. I mean, my car could have exploded on the freeway and I would have been a human shishcabob. And also with the car I'm grateful to have a sister and brother who used to be in the car dealing business. So I receive the best input with any car I even think of looking at. I have a boyfriend who cares the world for me, and friends who feel the same. I got one person to see the truth in Hillary Ungrichts lies upon lies, and my body has a miraculous healing rate. Thanks to the man upstairs.
Thank you to anyone and everything who makes my life better than what it could be. Thank you lord, for giving me the intuition to see right from wrong, and choose the right (in most cases). Thank you Kristy Mayo, for being the best sister anyone could ask for. Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve the blessings that my family gives me every day. Thank you to my friends, for always sticking by me, even if I mess up sometimes. Thank you Tommy, for putting up with my emotional rollercoaster I'm always on. You know me better than myself sometimes. And thank you annonymous (they know who they are) for believing me when everyone else who didn't know me didn't.
And thank you to whomever I've missed. My mind is in several places at this point.
Liars, I hope you sleep well tonight. Because karma works in every direction. Weather you like it or not.

Ughhhh.....

So this past week has been basically a hell for me. I've been sick, and it progressively gets worse. Today, I went to the hospital because I was hurting so bad, It took everything inside of me not  to throw up from the pain. 
And the doctor took forever. The nurse had to stick me twice for blood because she was inadequate at her job and didn't get anywhere near my vein ( I'm no doctor and still I know how to do an Iv.) And giving them a urine sample ( Sorry for the discustingness) was like pulling shards of glass out of my reproductive organs. To make things so much better, Tommy and I sat there for about 2 hours just to get an ultrasound. I'm never going to the emergency room ever again. Waiting to get Lady Gaga tickets take less time than the craziness I spent in the hospice. 
I found out I have a U.T.I. for those who don't know that is a urinary tract infection. And boy does it hurt like nothing you have felt in your life. It is an awkward pain. And my nurse said it was so bad my kidneys are inflamed. That explains everything.
The body is an amazing thing. Some of those amazing things are hell. You may feel as if you are trapped inside yourself, suffering and you cannot stop it. My dad used to get kidney stones frequently, and I've never heard a man like my dad cry until then. And believe me, my dad is not the crying type. I now know how ( ha looks kinda cool to read) my dad felt in a way. Because I'm feeling it now. 
I will say, if any of you read this, if you are suffering any type of body pain, to get rest. The more you get the better you will feel. Drink lots of fluid to flush your body out. And don't think about the pain.
To all those leisures in life that we all take for granted, try to think about the things you are thankful in life. And thank god for giving you the opportunity to achieve those things. 
I know this is so short. But my  arms are dying from typing,
till later,
Kimbob23

On Even Deeper Matters....

My post a while back has my list of D_BAGS 101. And the last number did not have a name. I can honestly say, I am in a relationship with the most perfect guy ever. Hands down. Well, perfect for me. He helps me every day be something even I am proud of. I've opened up my heart to him. And I never want to lose him.
Tommy Chicago is the world I'd always dreamed of having, but never got. I always threw away every guy i dated because I never had the feeling I'd be with them forever. I'd walk on the thin lines of my relationships, and push my boundaries until my string fell..... and I ran into another tangled web.
Tommy untangles my webs. He showed me, that being honest, even if getting in trouble is worth more than gold. He taught me, that talking is the best solution to any problem, good or bad. He showed me, that there are good in people, even if they do things they shouldn't. He reminds me every day how beautiful I am, even when I felt like the ugliest girl in the world. He eases my burdens, he takes away my pain. He gets me to believe there is a little peace in this world every day I wake up to him. And every time I kiss him he makes me feel like I'm the only girl in this world.
I never want to lose these feelings. I feel like my whole heart is put back together, without stitches, without glue. With the love of my one and only.
I love you Thomas Patrick McGowan Jr. And I will always feel this way.
oh and P.S.

I LOVE YOU :D

Sooooo much..

It's so much to write and a pressing little time that I share this post to the world. I say that because in fact, the world is surely aloud to see and have access to what I write. And as a matter of fact, I don't care.
Alot of people have been saying some pretty uncanny things to me, about me, and indirectly towards me. I would like to tell you all now, that they are more than likely not true. If you would like to know what is true, then ask me. Don't make assumptions. I really feel as though alot of young adults are wasting their time with my name in their mouth. And frankly, you all don't know me. The ones who know me the most are my loving sister, brother and my Tommy Chicago. Also, There have been things said about him. Keep hurtful things to yourself. I've seen it in formspring, and on facebook. And I will tell you everyone can see it. Even your parents and loved ones.
On a sidenote. A very large sidenote. I am going to have a baby. With a due date on Halloween. Ha. I never thought I would have kids. To be honest, I never thought I would have a boyfriend or ever get married. I made dreams to be single. And the closest thing to a child would have to be a dog. Or more simple, a chameleon. Random..... yes..... logical...... maybe....reality.... I was completely wrong. I hope, if anyone has parenting advice, that they will give it to me. I'm welcome to all ears. I have never raised a child. But I want to give it everything I had, have and more. Because in fact, He or she, might actually put me in my place this time. Which is nice.
liars, I hope that you choose to tell the truth. Because in fact, you cannot hide from god, you cannot hide from your inner thoughts (conscious) and those who lie about what I am involved in or my boyfriend or my family or my friends you definitely cannot hide from me. And how I find truth. You can't lie to a liar. Everyone lies. Some to hurt and some to not. Everyone sins. Everyone has a part of them they are ashamed of. Instead of sorting through the flaws of others, maybe give your inner self a look around and tell me (or whomever you feel the need to talk about) that your perfect. I would love to hear it. And when I do, I'll laugh. And walk away. And not turn my head.