So wow!

I keep having dreams of my pregnancy. Its delightful in so many ways.
I can see myself  being really prego, and kind of enjoying it.... :) hmmm I wonder what it all means. I love that I'm having these dreams. I also have a dream that I'm having a darling little girl, and to be quite honest, I'll love if I do. I'll love if I have a baby boy as well.
Lately I've had alot of decisions to make, and none of them have been very easy for me. I had to go away from Tommy going on..... 4 days now? And I'm dying inside. My family wants me to be with them when I want to be independent with the love of my life. And so I had to think long and hard. Yes 4 days of thinking is very strenuous for me.... and completely out of my norm. I'm brash on decision making, I like to think quickly and decide fast because that has been how every job I've had entails and all throughout my life people want me to think fast and on my toes. So here Is what I conclude:
1. I am going back up north with Tommy for the following reasons;
a. I'm in love. And our being together makes me strong. I should never had run away from him. I love him too much.
b. I may not know that much about life, but as long as I'm doing the things i'm supposed too, my father in heaven finds a way to make miracles happen for me.
c. I want to live my life. I take suggestions, but I don't run on a 2/3 vote. I get to make the decisions in my life and weather they are good or bad, I can't keep having people "save me" from making the wrong ones. I need to find things out on my own.
d. Sanpete is way to small for this woman's big ideas. Nuff said.
e. I know I can find a way to make this work. It will be hard, nights may be long days may be even longer, but I will bend over backwards to make my situation work for my baby, Tommy and I. No acceptions. No excuses.
f. How can I live my life with a family who thinks I'm unthankful, and frankly it's not that I'm not, because I count my blessing all of the time. It's that I don't know how to show appreciation in this unit. (family) If they want me to be with them more, I will. But I have to eel like I'm wanted to be able to go somewhere. Or I feel like all eyes are on me in a negative way. And I don't like it.

So what you can take from this entry, to all those living a leisure life, realize what you have. And realize what others don't. Even if it is knowledge, share something with someone. If they don't take it it's not your fault. Maybe they want to figure it out a different way.