Space

Hey all, today has been incredibly great! I got my first hour of cardio in, cleaned house, got business taken care of, homework for the day done, and am about to start the next hour of my workout. I decided to post another blog that came to my mind, because it's so important to me. Space. I've been seeing an incredible person. He's with me on my fitness goals and helps me achieve them, he understands that I am busy being a mom, full time worker, and a full time student who started their own business not to long ago. He gets it. Finally someone who gets it! I was nervous today, because he asked me to go sprint with him and take me and my little man hiking, and then a nice dinner. I wasn't nervous to go hang out, I was nervous to tell him that today I just couldn't. I mustered up some courage, and told him I have a lot going on today. His response was incredible. He said that was perfectly fine, that he misses me and he understands. Among-st other things ha. This was huge for me! He didn't make me feel guilty for having a life. He didn't expect a yes. He was extremely sweet about my no, and that meant everything to me today. I love sharing my feelings here, and I felt the sweet satisfaction of telling me his response meant the world to me. *butterflies* I feel like today is one of the best days ever. And I thought i'd share.

Fulfillment

Hey all, today I thought was going to be an incredibly crummy day. I went home from work sicker than a dog, and my little guy had so much energy I didn't think I would know what to do with. I missed gym day today because I just didn't have the strength (or the stomach) to do anything. Frustrating. But today, Mr. wonderful made it all better. I know he won't read this and it's okay, but I just want to give a silent thank you for being so sweet to me when I need it. And I surely needed it today. I didn't know someone could make me feel so beautiful while being so yucky looking.  And to top it off, bought me the kicks i've been wanting for a million years? Ugh. I think I may be in heaven.

I just feel fulfilled. And full from my chai. Christmas in a cup no doubt. Over and out

Damn she Fine! Damn she Fine!

Hey all! Damn am I feeling good or what? It's funny when you take out the trash, that part of your house doesn't leave an unsettling smell there anymore. Same goes for life. I don't think i've felt this good in a long time. I'm killing it at the gym. Getting gains, and my current weight is at 149? Down ten pounds baby, and I look freakin fine! Ever have those moments where you stare at the mirror and say "wow, that is me?" Had that moment today.

I started talking to someone new. He's super gorgeous, has his life together and has ambitions. Talk about an upgrade. I don't think i've ever laughed as hard or as genuine as I do with him. I can't wait til the weekend to finally meet up! Ugh i'm so excited! For now I just have to sit here like a girl finally going out on a first date. How lame. But I don't care! I'm excited ha  

I think all in all, I'm finally starting to feel unstoppable again. I wasted a few good months of my life but i'm back on track. And I can't wait to see where life takes me!

Ghosts

Today I spoke to a person, who I wouldn't have spoken to until the day I die, if I didn't know how to be a good christian. T asked that I didn't mention his whole name. In previous blogs, I wrote about Tommy Chicago. I'm staring at my phone right now, almost in utter shock that I found the nerve to talk to him. It was like talking to a ghost. Like talking to my past that had been so far back I barely remember it. I thought I would be bitter. But I drew strength from god, and had the conversation I needed to have with him. I told him how I felt, he told me I was right.... It was foreign to me. He always said I was wrong, even when I knew I was right. He recently went through what he put me through. And I felt bad for him. I felt bad because I know what crying myself to sleep on a bathroom floor feels like. I know what it is like to lose someone to the world of drugs. I know what it is like to give your heart away to someone who refuses to take care of it. I'm not saying we are the same, by all means we are completely different. But this is a human being that I once cared the world about, and I felt bad. I didn't feel bad, I felt terrible. If you read this, know that everything happens for a reason, even if we think things are a coincidence, chances are they are not. People do bad things. That is no reason to not have a desire to change for the better. I hope you prove me wrong, Tommy Chicago. I'm not choosing sides, I'm just choosing what is right. Getting your life in order is a good start. I'm actually somewhat happy I got to talk to him. And, I hope to hear about the progress he may be making.

Butterfiles

The moment your lips touched mine, I was impressioned by a different feeling than ever before... I wasn't thinking, where is this going to lead, I was feeling that I wanted this to be forever. I can see me with you on our couch, laughing, drinking wine, talking about our days. I can see us wrestling on our bed, as you pin me down, slowly rocking me to sleep after being embraced by you. I can imagine going on trips with you to all of our favorite places we only dreamed about, and saw in magazines. I can see me looking into those beautiful blue eyes forever.... Forever. Who would have thought I would think of forever? This is the most absolute, newest feeling I've ever felt. For the longest time, if I've seen someone, they are just THERE. They irritate me. You captivate me. They try to control me. You see me for who I am, and don't get upset when i'm not at your becking call, because you are a busy man full of wonderful ambitions. You are perfect. They only see imperfections. I hope this goes somewhere. I feel light. The good kind of light, as if you were somehow reborn. How could someone be so perfect, and truly everything you need, and everything you want? I feel shy by you, and I still get butterflies with every letter that I type into this post. You are amazing and wonderful and everything I could hope for. I had a great night prince charming. And you are the one in charge of that. I feel like a teenager again. Thank you for giving me butterflies.

Special

You know that feeling you get, when everything is going right? The what if something happens and ruins it all? I had that a few days ago. It hit me like a giant brick. In the moment I was scared, and sick about my future. For one small moment, I died inside. But then I realized, everything it's going great. And I formulated a way to keep it that way. Here are my steps:
1. Continue to get enough sleep. I can't describe how much a body needs it. I wasted so much time the last few months not getting any sleep, and in a way it made me depressed. I feel more energy now, and the term"beauty sleep" has done me good. My weight it's falling off faster, my mind is refreshed,I don't feel tired down and I swear my skin looks better.
2. Don't let people tell you who to be. I suffered enough with this one. I am me. If you don't like it, leave. I don't need to be stuck to my phone or my Facebook. I'll continue to be off the record. It preserves my me ness so to speak.
3. Continue to love god. This is the greatest love I have known, and it makes me stronger every day.
4. Continue dating. I've met so many great guys recently. Why stick with one when I can see what many are about. It's also great for networking, and my self confidence is through the roof! Thanks guys!
4. Continue exercising and eating right. If I want to snag Mr r right I gotta look great and feel great about myself. I have to preserve myself.
I will probably edit this periodically but I don't have time right now. I'm getting ready to go on a date to a hip hop class! How exciting! I haven't done that since I got out of high school.
to all our leisure's in life, don't take them for granted. Good has special things in store for us. Don't waste it.

random nothingness

today I feel like the most beautiful person in the world. I've been feeling refreshed lately, getting gym time regularly, and don't feel tired down. I have the world at my feet, fresh air to breathe and I'm loving dry minute of it. I think the world can see it too. I've never received so many compliments before in my life. I must be doing something right. Thank you god for a great life! And feeling the love people have showered on me lately. Let it keep coming. Thank god for Myke. For making a bad day turn into a blessing :)

The Weeknd - Trust Issues (Remix)

D.D. (Always that one girl)

yo Hello all. It's been a long time. (This blog post is strictly for closure purposes)  As I sit here and listen to my favorite songs, trying to figure out what to do with my life..... I realized I needed to pick back up on my blog. Every day I will write about one topic that has a huge effect on my life right now. This one today is the girl he cheated with. The D.D. or Dirty Diana.

In the beginning it was nice. So nice. The honeymoon stage. The swoons and oooh's and ahhhh's. The courtesy and the honesty. Once that fades is when she strikes.

As a lot of you might be aware, I ( Photo above) moved out to Indiana to be with the guy ( I thought I was in Love With) Big mistake. I did it for my son, thought he had changed and made my move. The first few days were great. Until I got ahold of his phone. 

Then the "innocent" texts started pouring in. 


"Oh she just likes the same movies as me" or the "we are just friends" Makes me sick to this day. Then the "I thought we were going to go to Chicago for the weekend" text rolled around. I cried. He yelled and told me to get over it. Because of course he had done nothing wrong. They were just texts. Nothing to cry over. Until I asked her. And the truth spilled out. I had no idea about this girl. I hadn't thought this would happen to me. AGAIN. I thought he loved me. "Hell no" I thought to myself. So I did my research. I thought back to everything that didn't make sense. Why is he going to work early? why is he jumping in the shower right when he gets home late from work? Why is he home late from work? Why is there jewelry in my car? Why the hell don't I wear jewelry?! 

After being sad, you get angry. I did. What did this girl look like? What did she do? What would her boyfriend say? So much going through my mind. I found her on the internet.

This impressive looking girl is what he wanted. This is D.D. to me. And I so hope she was worth everything that you lost from being with her. 

I left him. And now I'm onto bigger and better things. I completely love my life now. I just needed to get this off of my chest before I implode. Now I can actually breath again.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQ0pdge-WZk

Life as I know it

I Kimberlie Draper, have realized in the past few days, that some things will never change. And neither will people. The more you try to do something about it, the more pain and confusion you go through. Ultimately, I am taking a step back now. From everything. If it is going to cause me pain, if it is going to make me look like a fool, I am NOT going to be a part of it.
I am tired of all the negativity in this world. I was once happy. And would love to achieve that again. SO now (and I hope those of you who read this will take some advice as well) I am going to do the things that make me happy. ANd do the things I need to be doing. Not for anyone else, but for my benefit. Not to sound conceded, not to be selfish, but I think that I deserve to be happy. And everyone else does too.
Starting now, I'm focused on me. And this little guy in my stomache. The one thing that needs to mean the world to me finally does. And I realize that. It's time to be a mom. And start thinking like one as well.
This is one of those life long moments we all need to think about someday. Today is my day. LIFE LONG, is a fairly long time. Choose wisely what you do. Think wisely of what you say. Life, is a long time away.

What a beautiful mess I'm in

So it's been a while...... again. Sorry to those who do look up on my blog and enjoy it * insert wink face here* I can tell you there has been so much in my life going on right now. Lets talk about this as if I were another person. A discussion through someone elses eyes if you will.
First off, drugs do bad things to good people. They know who they are. It ruins lives, it tears apart families, and it makes even the most honest of intentions devious, and completely false. 
Can I say I hate liars? Especially those who try to tear my sight of a perfect relationship apart? I have so much going for me. And the potential to have something going for us, and so now I say, did she really have to take a stab like that? When I knew point blank that she was making it up on the tip of her tongue. Trust me false wanker, I will never believe you again. And you now mean nothing to me. 
And that part is that. 
Next, I hate fighting. ANd arguing. With anyone. I think it is a ridiculous waste of time. I could be doing something that makes me happy like spending time with you, and you want to bring in an argument. About something I didn't do. And won't do. ANd you keep egging me on. and on and on and on. My head is going to implode. I've been putting on this front for so long that I didn't notice how long my hair has grown. Or how much we are dying. I'm done hiding from you. Just give me a better reason to open up to you.
on a side note, I realize not any of you will probably know what I am even talking about. It's a long twist of a messed up story. I don't do drugs. But I made the mistake of associating with people who do and will never cease until the day they die. So think of yourself in my shoes. Because when you can't figure out what I am saying, I can't figure out what these people are doing. Or why they are the way they are. Or why they act the way they do. Try being in a room full of people strung out on a pill, or meth. And your completely sober, and you have no intentions of ever looking as foolish as they do. It is scary. But I'm not supposed to have an opinion on this? Says who? 
Anyways, school is terribly crazy. I love it. It's the only thing that I can break focus off of everything that is making me crazy. On the inside and showing on the out.
Sorry for the vagueness. I love all of you.
To those liars out there. Frankly my dears, I don't give a damn about you. You tried to ruin everything that is dear to me. ANd for that, you will rot. Good for you.

So wow!

I keep having dreams of my pregnancy. Its delightful in so many ways.
I can see myself  being really prego, and kind of enjoying it.... :) hmmm I wonder what it all means. I love that I'm having these dreams. I also have a dream that I'm having a darling little girl, and to be quite honest, I'll love if I do. I'll love if I have a baby boy as well.
Lately I've had alot of decisions to make, and none of them have been very easy for me. I had to go away from Tommy going on..... 4 days now? And I'm dying inside. My family wants me to be with them when I want to be independent with the love of my life. And so I had to think long and hard. Yes 4 days of thinking is very strenuous for me.... and completely out of my norm. I'm brash on decision making, I like to think quickly and decide fast because that has been how every job I've had entails and all throughout my life people want me to think fast and on my toes. So here Is what I conclude:
1. I am going back up north with Tommy for the following reasons;
a. I'm in love. And our being together makes me strong. I should never had run away from him. I love him too much.
b. I may not know that much about life, but as long as I'm doing the things i'm supposed too, my father in heaven finds a way to make miracles happen for me.
c. I want to live my life. I take suggestions, but I don't run on a 2/3 vote. I get to make the decisions in my life and weather they are good or bad, I can't keep having people "save me" from making the wrong ones. I need to find things out on my own.
d. Sanpete is way to small for this woman's big ideas. Nuff said.
e. I know I can find a way to make this work. It will be hard, nights may be long days may be even longer, but I will bend over backwards to make my situation work for my baby, Tommy and I. No acceptions. No excuses.
f. How can I live my life with a family who thinks I'm unthankful, and frankly it's not that I'm not, because I count my blessing all of the time. It's that I don't know how to show appreciation in this unit. (family) If they want me to be with them more, I will. But I have to eel like I'm wanted to be able to go somewhere. Or I feel like all eyes are on me in a negative way. And I don't like it.

So what you can take from this entry, to all those living a leisure life, realize what you have. And realize what others don't. Even if it is knowledge, share something with someone. If they don't take it it's not your fault. Maybe they want to figure it out a different way.

Deuces

To those of you who don't know what I mean about deuces, it means peacing out or giving up and walking away.
My life at the moment has alot of Deuces I am going to make a toast to. (with sparkling cyder cuz my baby is not an alcoholic)

Deuces  to the douchebags
Deuces to the liars.
Deuces to failed relationships.
Deuces to Sanpete county.
Deuces to shitty living.
Deuces to ignorance.
Deuces to non believers.
Deuces to cell phones that have grey zones that don't work.
Deuces to this hair cut.
Deuces to being ill.
Deuces to immitation candy.
Deuces to being young, and almost a parent.
Deuces to the memories. That I would rather just forget. Like they all seem to do.
Deuces to falling in love.
Deuces to being in love.
Deuces to letting more people in. When i'd rather be alone.
Toast to being alone, and finding things on my own.
Toast to the silence. It helps me keep my head clear.
Toast to recieving my dream. Or being a little closer to it.
Toast to starting a book.
On teen pregnancy.
Deuces for being a single pregnant woman.
Toast to being a single mom , cuz I'll prove them all wrong.
All that bullshit is for the birds.
I'm on some new shit chuckin my deuces up.
I'm moving on to something better.
No more tryna make it work.

you make me wanna say bye bye

Series of Unfortunate Events

So as of late, I've decided I am 1. A very lucky individual; and 2. Very unlucky at the same time.
Within a matter of weeks, I have managed to A. Have an entire city of people hate me and want me dead due to them being falsely informed by a retarded girl. B. become horribly sick within days so bad I needed to be hospitalized. And C. Make my car light on fire and have it completely totaled.
Thats the unlucky part.
The lucky things in my life are better than anything that could ever go wrong with me, or my possessions. I have a family who loves me no matter what my situation is. ANd that is worth more than anything this world has to offer. I survived yet another car accident. I mean, my car could have exploded on the freeway and I would have been a human shishcabob. And also with the car I'm grateful to have a sister and brother who used to be in the car dealing business. So I receive the best input with any car I even think of looking at. I have a boyfriend who cares the world for me, and friends who feel the same. I got one person to see the truth in Hillary Ungrichts lies upon lies, and my body has a miraculous healing rate. Thanks to the man upstairs.
Thank you to anyone and everything who makes my life better than what it could be. Thank you lord, for giving me the intuition to see right from wrong, and choose the right (in most cases). Thank you Kristy Mayo, for being the best sister anyone could ask for. Sometimes I don't feel like I deserve the blessings that my family gives me every day. Thank you to my friends, for always sticking by me, even if I mess up sometimes. Thank you Tommy, for putting up with my emotional rollercoaster I'm always on. You know me better than myself sometimes. And thank you annonymous (they know who they are) for believing me when everyone else who didn't know me didn't.
And thank you to whomever I've missed. My mind is in several places at this point.
Liars, I hope you sleep well tonight. Because karma works in every direction. Weather you like it or not.

Ughhhh.....

So this past week has been basically a hell for me. I've been sick, and it progressively gets worse. Today, I went to the hospital because I was hurting so bad, It took everything inside of me not  to throw up from the pain. 
And the doctor took forever. The nurse had to stick me twice for blood because she was inadequate at her job and didn't get anywhere near my vein ( I'm no doctor and still I know how to do an Iv.) And giving them a urine sample ( Sorry for the discustingness) was like pulling shards of glass out of my reproductive organs. To make things so much better, Tommy and I sat there for about 2 hours just to get an ultrasound. I'm never going to the emergency room ever again. Waiting to get Lady Gaga tickets take less time than the craziness I spent in the hospice. 
I found out I have a U.T.I. for those who don't know that is a urinary tract infection. And boy does it hurt like nothing you have felt in your life. It is an awkward pain. And my nurse said it was so bad my kidneys are inflamed. That explains everything.
The body is an amazing thing. Some of those amazing things are hell. You may feel as if you are trapped inside yourself, suffering and you cannot stop it. My dad used to get kidney stones frequently, and I've never heard a man like my dad cry until then. And believe me, my dad is not the crying type. I now know how ( ha looks kinda cool to read) my dad felt in a way. Because I'm feeling it now. 
I will say, if any of you read this, if you are suffering any type of body pain, to get rest. The more you get the better you will feel. Drink lots of fluid to flush your body out. And don't think about the pain.
To all those leisures in life that we all take for granted, try to think about the things you are thankful in life. And thank god for giving you the opportunity to achieve those things. 
I know this is so short. But my  arms are dying from typing,
till later,
Kimbob23

On Even Deeper Matters....

My post a while back has my list of D_BAGS 101. And the last number did not have a name. I can honestly say, I am in a relationship with the most perfect guy ever. Hands down. Well, perfect for me. He helps me every day be something even I am proud of. I've opened up my heart to him. And I never want to lose him.
Tommy Chicago is the world I'd always dreamed of having, but never got. I always threw away every guy i dated because I never had the feeling I'd be with them forever. I'd walk on the thin lines of my relationships, and push my boundaries until my string fell..... and I ran into another tangled web.
Tommy untangles my webs. He showed me, that being honest, even if getting in trouble is worth more than gold. He taught me, that talking is the best solution to any problem, good or bad. He showed me, that there are good in people, even if they do things they shouldn't. He reminds me every day how beautiful I am, even when I felt like the ugliest girl in the world. He eases my burdens, he takes away my pain. He gets me to believe there is a little peace in this world every day I wake up to him. And every time I kiss him he makes me feel like I'm the only girl in this world.
I never want to lose these feelings. I feel like my whole heart is put back together, without stitches, without glue. With the love of my one and only.
I love you Thomas Patrick McGowan Jr. And I will always feel this way.
oh and P.S.

I LOVE YOU :D

Sooooo much..

It's so much to write and a pressing little time that I share this post to the world. I say that because in fact, the world is surely aloud to see and have access to what I write. And as a matter of fact, I don't care.
Alot of people have been saying some pretty uncanny things to me, about me, and indirectly towards me. I would like to tell you all now, that they are more than likely not true. If you would like to know what is true, then ask me. Don't make assumptions. I really feel as though alot of young adults are wasting their time with my name in their mouth. And frankly, you all don't know me. The ones who know me the most are my loving sister, brother and my Tommy Chicago. Also, There have been things said about him. Keep hurtful things to yourself. I've seen it in formspring, and on facebook. And I will tell you everyone can see it. Even your parents and loved ones.
On a sidenote. A very large sidenote. I am going to have a baby. With a due date on Halloween. Ha. I never thought I would have kids. To be honest, I never thought I would have a boyfriend or ever get married. I made dreams to be single. And the closest thing to a child would have to be a dog. Or more simple, a chameleon. Random..... yes..... logical...... maybe....reality.... I was completely wrong. I hope, if anyone has parenting advice, that they will give it to me. I'm welcome to all ears. I have never raised a child. But I want to give it everything I had, have and more. Because in fact, He or she, might actually put me in my place this time. Which is nice.
liars, I hope that you choose to tell the truth. Because in fact, you cannot hide from god, you cannot hide from your inner thoughts (conscious) and those who lie about what I am involved in or my boyfriend or my family or my friends you definitely cannot hide from me. And how I find truth. You can't lie to a liar. Everyone lies. Some to hurt and some to not. Everyone sins. Everyone has a part of them they are ashamed of. Instead of sorting through the flaws of others, maybe give your inner self a look around and tell me (or whomever you feel the need to talk about) that your perfect. I would love to hear it. And when I do, I'll laugh. And walk away. And not turn my head.

Who am I (more in depth)

I am the only me I am

I can say I love my life. That is the light. I survived 2 car accidents. I am Kimberlie Brooke Draper. Sunshine Wilcox was my name at birth. I'm not joking. I love to eat hamburgers and pizza. No rice cakes for me.

I love my life. To death. I have the best sister in the world. ANd no one can top that. I have met some of the craziest, different people in the whole world. And I love them for being unique.

From this moment onI will be myself. To the end because I'm happy with who I am. I'm a ballerina, a bmx rider, a soccer girl. I geek out at playing video games or petting electric eels. I can announce the alphabet backwards if you ask me too. I love animals and cry at the animal abuse commercial (EVERY TIME) I have a diary I never write in. I like taking pictures. I have lots of clothes I never wear. I just like them. I want to be beautiful always. Because I know I am. I get mad easy. I cry on occasion. I laugh at naughty jokes or racist ones but I love my ethnic friends. I dance and sing in the shower. I like crazy hairstyles but dont dare do some of them. I fantasize of gerard Butler. I still always think about how those who have hurt me are doing. I still think about those I have hurt and how they are doing.

I believe in a heavenly father. ANd a Christ. And a holy ghost. I believe that someone is watching me very closely from heaven. I think it may be from doing baptisms for the dead in the lds temple.

I love music. ANd believe that everyone at the Orem and Provo HOT TOPICs are musically brilliant cuz they know everything. I always learn something from everyone I have met. And I will carry that with me to my grave. To those who read this your great for giving me the time.

Thanks for being a part of my life

I want to change. And I need your help. I want to see the life I once had as an athlete, an avid church member, a leader in my community, a shoulder to cry on. I want to be a good girl. So dont bother me with nonsense that doesn't conform to my standards. Because I wont comply. I will not break this time. I am very strong....... in mind, soul and my physical being. Thank you for listening

On Deeper Matters

I dont know what I do to be this terrible when it comes to dating, but I take the cake. I could weed out every bad boy or "closet bad boy" this universe has to offer. The song may be true nice guys finish last...... but I dont believe a word of it. I haven't met a guy who comes to the standards of "nice" as this tune so clearly assembles. A peek into my life. I am an open book, if you have a question for me I'll answer you as truthful as possible. Some hindsight on my dating. Kims list of "d-bags" 101
1. Camden- loved him. Talked about marriage; other empty aspects of my life. We fought a lot, and it was both our fault. He would use words to negotiate situations to his liking. And leave me in a mind full of doubts and hurt. He still remains to this day one of my all time best friends. Even though sometimes I HATE him. I LOVE him too.
2. Stinky- was a waste of my time. (If you dont like my honesty, you may need to leave my blog for this post). A cheater always gets caught Bradee. It's only a matter of time. Good thing we weren't serious.
3. Devin- Filled a temporary void in my life. Getting over Camden was so hard. Immensely.  When that was full, I didn't need him anymore. He was still in love with his ex girlfriend and he didn't need me. I moved on.
4.Shawn- We make excellent friends. That is all
5. Tyler. TFF Your head is in the air and your brain is green from all that weed. But your funny. Not my type of material at all.
6. Shaun- Try a bit and you may get the girl. Just not this one.
7. Kalen- Please sort out your life. I know you have so much on your plate but please.
8.Justin- Save your words for someone who cares. He spent so much time convincing people what a great guy he is, and to feel bad for him. Now I know what to think of you. And now I know how Kourtnee truely felt, but not by hearing about it. But by witnessing it 7 feet from me.

9. I dont know who you are- treat me right, and I will treat you right. Hold my hand in public. Make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world. Be smart, and mend my heart together. Because there are pieces scattered across this life. And I dont think I can get them back. Maybe you could fix me. Fix this troublesome mindset I'm in.

UGH.... True

HA Ha HA Ha

So I think this is as crazy accurate as it gets to look decent these days. People do spend too much time trying to convince others of something that is a complete and total lie. Just be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. Goodbye lovelies and liars. Until next post adeu@!

How to trick people into thinking you're good looking

Bit of Lovely randomness.

So here I sit again, phone at my side and television blaring in the background and think....... this has become the American lifestyle. How lazy am I? Something needs to get me whipped into shape or my efforts are useless.

Just a tidbit of information here and there for this post. 1. If you are excersizing and asking for results in a week, forget about it. Ghandi didn't teach all of his knowledge in one week. Piccaso did not make a painting in a day. Things are impossible in this world if you ask so much. Time to start thinking small. Like Benjamin Franklin quoted; take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves. Food for thought.

I realized on my paper route what my favorite flower is. I sat mindlessly, listening to the Ceasars, popping handful after handful of sunflower seeds in my mouth and........ BANG!!!! It hit me. I LOVE SUNFLOWERS. More than I coud love life itself. The beauty, the tall majesty of this flower just riddles me with admiration. Oh what a specimen! I want a million of them!

I wish I could have a day of my life spent in the mountains, alone, fending for myself against the odds. Wouldn't it be nice? I think everyone needs a chance to watch into the Wild. Maybe then will you understand my reasonings. Ah well, I'm off to my lovely little dreamland. So long little liars and lovelies!

Beautiful things

SO I think that the best thing on my paper route has to be the sunrise. It's so beautiful, golden. The one moment that all you really think about is how beautiful this earth is and the world stands at attention. You cant beat that early morning sunrise. Stay golden Ponyboy.

Such Sweetness

So..... when it comes to my friends, I can guarantee I have the best. EVER. Hands down no backsies. I mean, look at this lovely drawing one of them gave me :) How cute is too cute? Definately not this. Thank you it lightened up my day oh so much!

Paper...... GIRL!!!

SO I just want to fill in whoever reads this that my job is being a paper girl. No I do not ride a bike, yes I do get attacked by dogs and on small occasions cats, and no I do not like waking up early. But A job is a job and gangstas gotta eat..... I sometimes wish I could be rich and not have to worry about money, but what would I have to worry about? Everyone has worry. SO starting August 1st I'm probably gonna be digging roots for 12 dollars an hour. Monday through Friday, 8-5. SOunds easy right? Thats where they get you. Ah for sugar coated sweetnesses.

Music for the soul

I believe there is a whole world out there just for music. I love, love, love music. And I love the kind of music that inspires, activates thought, initiates conversation, and brings on a whole new world to your mind on a silver lyrical platter.

My favorite songs are too many to say, so if I dont get a genre in this little list please dont be upset. 1. Telescope Eyes by Eisley. 2. Anything really from the Gorillaz they rock my socks. 3. Paper tigers by the Ceasars. 4. Suzie by Boy Kill Boy 5. The Same Graceful Wind by Vanna 6. The Abortion Plan By Oceana. 7. Lady Gaga's many many songs ;) we are all little monsters inside for your information. 8. Too Legit To Quit by MC Hammer. 9. Here comes goodbye by Rascal Flatts. and 10. The rest of my enormous music collection :)

Also you may have noiced the Primitives on my page. I love the style that they bring forth. Just an indie original. Also, I'm in love with Arctic Monkeys Brainstorm. Amazing haha. I love British influences.

I think my motivations for loving so many kinds of music came from working at Hot Topic in Orem Utah. I worked with so many different music lovers, and the store is All About The Music-which may be contrary to alot of peoples beliefs. But it is, I fell in love with it, and fell hardcore for the hardcore. But it changed me....... evolved me into something I should never have become and I'm glad I pulled through. See, angry music made me angry. Sad music made me sad. Songs for revenge made me vengeful, and happy music made me unbelievably happy. And I know my closest noticed my changes. Music makes you bi polar...... Just make sure you are listening to the right things at the right time or you could have a very deadly combination.

I'll tell you my history in music. I got my first, very own c.d./ cassette player when I was 8 years old. I'll tell you now, I hated listening to my moms music. My dads was great but my moms made me sick. Too slow, beats to boring, and voices that even cats cried too. Any ways, first cd player and my fisrt 2 c.d's ever were Aaron Carter and Savage Garden Affirmation. I loved them both. Then it went to Britney Spears, Backstreet Boys and Nsync. I loved pop music and I still do to this day. Then my tastes became more of the rock persuasion, Green day Three Days Grace and yada yada yada. Then hip hop. 50 Cent and Rap Eminem T.I. Bone Thugs n' Harmony, Biggie, Tupac.......... the works. Then Indie Eisley, Boy Kill Boy, Ceasars. All around good music for me and very inspirational tunes.

I'll always have a love for music. Sometimes i go back and forth from what I'm listening too, but it's all because my mind wants it that way. I hope that everyone grows an appreciation for different types of music. You never know what you will enjoy in the end.

Caesars - Paper Tigers (Video)

The Primitives Crash

Early Morning candies

I'm a firm believer in not believing a thing dietary plans have to say. It stresses the thoughts and puts empty hope in those of us who would like to be thinner, but can't because we can't afford a liposuction plan.

I woke up today feeling indifferent. That is why I have a blog now. I realize that I have an unusual way of seeing the world, and my spectrum may or may not want to be viewed by the world. We shall see shan't we?

But anyways, I woke up and decided to eat candy. And eggs. A bit of an unusual breakfast but it is sitting in my stomache very well. As are the bags and bags of sunflower seeds. I feel I may have some bird in me.....

I realize that my blog is practically sporadic.... and I apologize. I have so many thoughts that I cant contain them. And I lose them. Sometimes they come back to me, but in a few weeks, months, even years down the road. So bear with me.

But anyways, this is about food. And Yesterday I thought about food. Not to eat food but about food as in a concept kind of way. Most of peoples gatherings (get togethers) are based around food. Meetings involve a quick pizza. Friend rant sessions and venting relieves are done over a burger or salad. Church activities even Lady Gaga exuberants all shared millions of pieces of pizza in Times Square. I also realize that our nation is the largest...... in weight. Now I wonder, if we didn't focus our lives around eating, would we be more slim? I don't have much room to talk though I feel. I am normal weight, but I could lose some extra of what I have. But to those I see who struggle..... I wish I could find a cure. Maybe instead of sitting and eating, sitting and doing a craft is far better. Who would know?

I feel I have struggled with weight all my life though. Some of you may roll your eyes at me and think that 130 pound twig is just ranting. But I have. I've always seen the more popular girls in school not eat. Or if they do they eat so much less. They weigh about 105-115 and I wonder why I cant have that. They had their perfect bodies, and I was stuck in this blob. ( Not a fat blob) I've never been fat or overweight. But I think my mind weighs me down enough that it could get confused so easily. I hate it. Back and forth and back and forth people say your beautiful. No I'm not I'm just mediocre why cant you see that or say it to my face? Would it make me feel better? I think it could.

Ive started this new trend of walking on the treadmill or the elliptical. Instead of just sulking about my not fat body, I'll make it a "no fat body". No excuses KBOB will be athletic enough to be a boflex woman ( not really) But I will be shaped into what I think is beautiful. And I encourage you all to do the same. Starting............ Now